Imaginary Bullets

i held a gun for the first time today
and the muzzle kept pointing at me
inadvertently
like there was a magnet
in the middle of my brain
or a psychic string
pulling death towards me
a frightening fascination
with the end of my story
gripped me for a couple minutes
it's a good thing
there weren't any bullets in it
i made a couple russian roulette jokes
that were met with nervous laughter
and safety tips
i'll never buy a gun
i couldn't handle it

When I'm Feelin Spiky

chick you peanut butter thick
and im tryna have my pb&j
with a side of bj
and threeplay
right after foreplay
so bring a friend and we can
eat all weekend

forget about where n when
do whatever we like
wit whoever we like
however we like
wit no syke at the back
tell me what you like in ya back
feel sum stiff
n i know you likin that
relax
no time lapse
we can do it till we collapse
play through all acts
drop tact
that ass is the only fact
biggest asset im tryna
invest in
i wanna go deep
fuck up ya digestion
it's no question
im parked
under ya question mark
the dot that like you on top
move like i like it
don't stop
got my cock hard
like fort knox
unbreakable
but my battering ram
can slam into ya walls
give you seizures
while my siege
seizes you
and don't worry baby i won't be leavin you
we can go all week
when i wink that means i believe in you

Ears to the Sky, Eyes Elsewhere

Even in the beginning,

Before any were sinning,

Before sin was in the world,

Adam was lonely

without a girl.

She herself wasn't enough

By herself.

But then

Neither was God.

The first Man walked and talked with I Am,

But he still felt lonely and unfulfilled

On an 

empty, 

perfect planet.

So God, in all His wisdom,

Created a companion.

Someone for conversation and understanding.

Because really how can an artist interact with a painting

Or an actor with his actions on stage?

The Creator is not the same as the created,

So He can satisfy some needs,

But all are not satiated.

I need to seek out more spiritually

But i won't drop the candle that's leading me.

Because i can hear His still quiet voice in the darkness

Leading me home,

But i'll still feel

lost,

cold

&

alone.

[ ]

i suppose i shouldn't be surprised that high highs

come with low lows

every mountain has a valley

and no man flies without saying hi to gravity

me and physics are getting physically closer

like how my tears are getting nearer to the bottom of my face

sitting here in the dark as i have countless times before

this time i see a metaphor

for my life to be, 

alone in a room

instead of the groom of a wife to be

but then i suppose this is called release

and catharsis is never free.

Learning to Swim

i would like to say
that these have been the best days since i've lost you
but it simply wouldn't be true
mostly it's just business as usual
with little hunger pangs
and random spurts of sadness.
im nowhere near depressed
but i do smile a little bit less.
the other day someone said i looked somber.
i've never been called that before.
but i've been feeling that way just a little bit more.
this hasn't been as easy or as hard as i imagined.
lost love, i suppose, isn't really something to be fathomed.
until you feel 100 leagues under the sea
without the slightest bit of buoyancy.
im on top mostly drifting on a raft,
but times do come when im drowning,
drowning on the past.

Pretty Lady (Or Retch)

the very thought makes me sick to my stomach.

nauseous at

the fact that

you aren't mine

and could potentially be

someone else's

"pretty lady"

Still in Love

you make my face hurt.
like when i watch a baby laugh,
i can't stop smiling.
and the burning
in my cheeks
combined with the
anti-gravity of my lips
tells me
that the joy you gift to me
is like none other.
by just being,
we laugh and break in to fits of giggles.
like little kids,
running nowhere,
for no reason
simply because they've been told
to "Go out and play."
you make me want to
ignore caution
and believe in possibility
we might be destiny
or maybe something lesser
but i know the best of me
is in you
trapped behind your
sparkling teeth
and those shiny eyes.